I want to know myself such as I am.
I want to meet myself at the corner shop
where all insomniacs buy milk and ham.
At 5 AM I'll recognise myself by a fringe on top
I want to meet myself completely by accident
looking through the yesterday's paper
in any library that I once used to frequent
or in a playground where I used to caper.
I probably won't recognise myself at all
as all true disciples of self-delusion do.
Somewhere in a subway or in a tenement hall
I would call my name and ask “Who are you?”
without hesitation I would meet my own glance
and touch myself to see if another me is made of glass
then I would blink and lose a last chance
to explore who is that mediocre middle-class person at last.
I want to get to know myself such as I am.
I might not look or walk or talk as I am,
I might be frustrated or never give a damn
but anyhow I want to face myself such as I am.
Every time I make my way through the crowd
through the faces that appear and dissolve without a trace
I keep my eyes open while my head's spinning round
waiting that one day I'll find my very own face.
Good or evil, I still want to know myself.
Living in a house built before industrial revolution
or in a Oklahoma village with an empty bookshelf
desperate or seeking any kind of solution,
White, Asian or Jewish, a hustler or a loser,
a two-timing swine or an abandoned housewife,
a homeless poet or a hopeless boozer,
a preacher or the one who sold to the Devil his life,
it doesn't matter as I still want to know myself.
Always one minute late for this meeting,
always too busy or careless about myself
ready to throw myself a question without a greeting.
Sometimes I think that this another one
should also look for me to ask the same
he could have questions and he could have none,
he could slap my face or start to blame,
he could even not recognise himself in me,
he could also be trapped in himself trying to break free
someone who usually has for a lunch some tea and spam
and for a night feast has himself to swallow and chew
He could answer my questions “Who I am? And who are you?”
Simply “Like you, I want to know myself such as I am”.